my hands are shaking (from carrying this torch for you)
by danahscott
Summary: Bellamy has just told Clarke he never wants to hear from her again, but when his phone rings he answers anyway, because Bellamy always comes through. He just didn't expect to listen to Clarke getting kidnapped. (modern au.)


"And I don't ever want to hear from you again!" The line went dead. Clarke took a few deep breaths and calmly set the phone in her lap. The bus was almost empty at this time of night. She'd spent too long painting at the studio, trying to put something on canvas that made her feel something, but nothing had come out.

She wished she had a canvas in front of her now, because everything felt thick and heavy, and she wanted it somewhere other than inside her head. She had known Bellamy would be mad - she expected something like this. But Clarke wasn't so sure he'd cool off. Not when it came to Octavia.

She messed up. She knew that. She really, really messed up this time. And she was in way over her head. For the fiftieth time, Clarke went over all the facts, everything she knew. She knew Jasper was missing. She knew Maya might be dead. She knew Cage Wallace was somehow involved, maybe even the ringleader of the whole thing, but she didn't know how to prove it.

Jasper had come to her at 3:00 in the morning, desperate and red-eyed. He didn't know where his girlfriend was. She'd been gone for three days now. Maya didn't have family or anything, just some friends, and Jasper. He was the only one who would realize she was missing. She told him she was going to some medical testing thing, and he didn't pay attention - goddammit, Jasper had told her, he should have paid more attention.

Clarke had to calm him down as he explained everything, how Maya had needed some extra cash, how she saw an ad about someone needing a young person to participate in an experiment. It was pretty under the radar, according to Maya, but that didn't stop her from telling Jasper about it, even though she wasn't supposed to. She was supposed to stay overnight and then be home by noon the next day. Three days later and he hadn't heard from her. What was Jasper supposed to think?

The only thing he'd gotten out of Maya was the name "Cage Wallace" before she had to leave. And then she didn't come back. The first day, Jasper thought maybe the program had run over. The second day, he started to get worried, texted her a few times, though she'd told him she wouldn't have her phone during the experiment. Day three he'd gotten frantic, convinced that something was wrong. A young girl couldn't just go missing like that.

Clarke knew Jasper didn't like the police, not after getting arrested when he was in high school for dealing weed. She didn't ask why he came to her instead, but he told her anyway. "You're the smartest person I know," he said, wiping tears from his eyes, "and I knew you'd help me if I asked. So I'm asking. Please, Clarke, I need you."

How could she say no to that? She let Jasper crash at her place that night, gave him some warm tea to calm him down and then, once he fell asleep, she started googling the name. It was too bad Raven was in grad school across the country, because Clarke was sure Raven could find out more than she could.

They scoured the internet and the neighborhood for a week. Clarke still felt guilty that she didn't take it too seriously at first. Jasper wasn't the most rational person she knew, and while the situation sounded sketchy, she wasn't sure it was as dire as he thought it was, but then the days stretched on and Maya stayed MIA. Instead of growing more and more determined, Jasper grew more and more desperate. And then? Then she went to Maya's apartment to do some digging. She found a crumpled up paper under the bed with an address and Cage Wallace's name on it. The original advert. Clarke's mistake was sending a picture to Jasper as soon as she found it. She should've talked to him first. Should've gone with him.

All she got was a frantic phone call, saying he was on his way to the address, he was gonna get her back and he was gonna kill Cage. Clarke tried to stop him, tried to at least make him wait for her. But he hung up. She hadn't seen him since. Of course she went to the address herself, to see if there was anything she could find out to help both Jasper and Maya. It was clear from the moment she set foot in the building that this wasn't where the experiments were happening. It was a little tucked away office that looked almost sweet from the outside. You wouldn't think to go in unless you read the advert.

The first few times Clarke went, the woman at the front desk was named Dr. Tsing. The fourth time, it was Cage Wallace himself. Her other mistake was being too upfront about her suspicions. She made it clear that she knew something wasn't right here, and Cage just gave her a creepy smile that made her shudder and told her she was being paranoid. When she threatened to call the police, he told her to go ahead. Shortly after, she learned that Dante Wallace was the chief of police, and that maybe Cage was a little more dangerous than she'd thought.

And the whole time, she was trying to dodge Bellamy. He'd want to be involved in this, Clarke knew that, and Bellamy was a little too hotheaded. He didn't always think before plunging in somewhere. After what happened to Jasper, Clarke didn't want to risk anything happening to Bellamy, too. But he noticed her absences, the bags under her eyes, the way she whipped her laptop out every chance she got.

She knew it was only a matter of time before he confronted her about it, but it was Octavia who figured it out first. She was only trying to borrow Clarke's laptop, and she stumbled upon the list of notes Clarke had made about the case. Octavia promised not to tell anyone as long as Clarke let her help. Jasper was her friend too, after all.

So they decided on this: Octavia would go into the office with a fake name, claiming to have read one of the adverts. (Another thing Clarke found was that they didn't post about it online or in the newspaper, just fliers found on telephone poles.) She would say she needed some money, try and go through with the experiment then back out at the last minute. The trick was she'd be wired the whole time and Clarke would be right outside waiting.

Really, the only goal was to find their other location, because it definitely wasn't the office. She should've told Octavia it was off as soon as she had her bad feeling about it. But she watched Octavia go in and listened as she talked to Cage. They were about to head out when Cage put his hand on Octavia's arm and felt her wire. Then, he tried to take her by force. If Clarke hadn't been waiting outside, who knows what would've happened? Luckily, Octavia was right. She could handle herself. She jumped in the passenger seat of the car, yelling for Clarke to drive. She had a black eye and a broken wrist, but she got no worse than what she gave. As she was driving away, Clarke caught Cage's eye through the window.

As soon as Bellamy got to the hospital, Clarke knew she was in for it. Like, really in for it. She also knew she probably deserved it. But he didn't even look at her. He just wanted to see Octavia, who of course told him everything - they couldn't exactly lie to him now that his sister was in a hospital bed with a sling wrapped around her arm.

And now Clarke was in way too deep, Jasper was still gone, Octavia was hurt and lying low, and Bellamy never wanted to hear from her again. If she'd gotten a little more information, then risking Octavia would have been worth it. But Clarke was hitting dead end after dead end. She didn't blame Bellamy for being mad. She was mad at herself. Fuck, she was really mad at herself. Her friend trusted her to help him and now he was in some sort of danger that she didn't understand.

Clarke knew that she was so close - one step away from figuring it out, like there was a thread dangling in front of her and she just had to pull it and everything would unravel. But the thread felt so far away, and for the first time, Clarke thought she might never be able to reach it.

The bus rolled to a stop. There was only one other person on it besides her and the driver. She didn't even know the time, she just knew it was late. The closest stop to her apartment was four blocks away, but it was a cool spring night, and Clarke was okay walking. She needed to breathe a little bit. She needed some time to think about what Bellamy said to her and whether he meant it or not. He probably did.

But maybe she needed a clear head tonight. She'd think about Jasper and Bellamy and Cage in the morning. Maybe she could give herself one night to enjoy the moon and the breeze and the sound of heat bugs pulsing through the trees.

Clarke was just thinking about how nice it might feel to paint this kind of sky when she heard something behind her. Her first instinct was to turn around, but that was a privilege for those who weren't caught up in a shady kidnapping conspiracy. Instead she kept walking, and listened harder. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw a shadow move. Heard more footsteps. There was a man - two men - walking behind her. Probably it was nothing. Probably they were on their way home too. But she took a sudden left into an alley anyway, just to see what they'd do.

They turned. Clarke's blood turned to ice. She took some deep breaths, assessing the situation. She wouldn't be this paranoid if it weren't for the fact that they were dead silent and that she'd been pissing off Cage Wallace for the past week and a half. Slowly, she pulled out her phone and went to her most recent calls.

He'd told her he never wanted to hear from her again. And that was probably true. If he was ever going to cool down, he certainly hadn't yet. But Clarke pressed his contact name anyway, because deep down, in her heart of hearts, she knew that if she needed him, Bellamy would answer her.

 **-::-::-::-::-::-**

He wasn't happy when he saw the number on the phone. He almost didn't answer it. He almost looked over at his sleeping sister on his couch with her arm in a cast and an ice pack gone cold on the table next to her and sent the call to voicemail. But the part of him that knew Clarke - that knew she had too much pride to call him after he'd said something like that to her all of ten minutes ago - picked up the phone. The other part of him crossed his arms and rolled his eyes at himself for being such a dumbass.

"I thought I told you not to call me."

"Yeah, that's right, it's so nice to hear from you again! Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?" Clarke's voice sounded on the other end, cheery and unconcerned. There wasn't the slightest note of sarcasm.

Bellamy would have liked to imagine he was about to hang up on her, but he actually said, "What are you talking about?"

"Okay, that sounds great."

"Clarke?"

"Oh, I'm just on my way home, what about you?" Clarke asked. Bellamy was confused now. He started walking to where he wouldn't wake Octavia up. Before he could respond, she said, "I was just thinking about that, yeah."

Bellamy sat down on the edge of his bed. "Clarke, is something wrong?"

"That's right," she said, still sounding cheery, but it was only that moment that Bellamy heard the slight edge to her voice. If he hadn't known her so well, he wouldn't have picked up on it at all.

"What do you mean?" he said, voice growing frantic in spite of himself. "What's wrong, what's going on?"

"I know, I know, but it's really all behind me now," she said.

"Behind you? What's -"

"Yeah, that's what I said."

He tried to think quickly, tried to keep up with her. "Is someone… is someone following you?"

"Exactly," she said, and there was relief palpable in her voice. Bellamy stood up, reaching for his keys. She was so damn smart, calling him like this.

"Why didn't you call the cops first?"

Her voice was still nonchalant, calm. "They won't be much help with this. Actually, I really don't think you should trust them."

He wasn't any less confused. "Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"We'll meet where we first met. Do you remember?"

Bellamy closed his eyes. The coffee shop across the street from her apartment. He remembered. "Yes," he said, and his voice was a whisper. He thought he was scared when he heard Octavia was in the hospital, but that was nothing compared to this. He'd seen so little of Clarke lately, and he'd known something was off. Octavia had spoken to him about it a little, but he hadn't gotten the full story.

"Yeah, it's probably too late, anyway," Clarke said, and she was still trying so hard to sound casual, but he could hear the fear in her voice.

"Too late?"

"Yeah, by the time you get there, it won't be on the menu anymore."

He tried to puzzle out what she was trying to say. Already, he was in the elevator on his way down. Bellamy was pretty sure he knew what she was telling him, but he didn't want it to be true. He only lived two miles away. He could get there in time.

"Yes, it should happen any second now!" A hint of panic in her voice.

"What can I do? Clarke, how can I help? I'm on my way, okay? Just hang on."

"That probably won't matter. I think… I think you should talk to your sister. We had a chat on Tuesday about something you'd be interested in. I gave her some notes on some research you've been doing."

"Huh?" He was running now, running to his car.

"Just talk to her. She'll know what you mean." He heard her swallow. "It's really good to hear your voice," she said, and Bellamy's stomach sank with dread. "I really liked hearing from you."

"Hey, don't - I'm coming. Clarke, I'll pull through."

There was a moment of silence on her end of the line, and Bellamy's heart was in his mouth. Finally, she said, in the calmest voice he'd heard since she'd called, "I know you will. Just not yet."

He was just getting into his car when he heard her scream. He froze, eyes wide. "No!" she was saying. There was a man's voice grunting and cussing. And then another saying, "Knock her out, knock her out! Hurry, she's gonna wake up the whole fucking neighborhood."

Then, something he never thought he'd hear. Clarke begging. "Please, don't. Please - please!" Then a thump, a moan and the ghost of a voice saying his name.

-::-::-::-::-::-

He got there in two minutes, speeding the whole way. He found her phone with the screen shattered exactly where she said she was. There was a bloodstain right next to it. If he'd gotten there faster, if he'd left the moment she'd called him - if he was able to put two and two together - but he wasn't smart like Clarke.

He tried not to imagine her, beaten and unconscious, dragged away somewhere - and for what? Why? And the most important question - how much time did he have?

-::-::-::-::-::-

For a blissful moment, Clarke forgot everything - everything about being taken, about Jasper and Maya, even about Bellamy, about herself. All she knew was the drowsiness of being dragged back to waking. It hadn't even all come back to her before she heard footsteps and a voice saying, "Clarke?"

It only occurred that the footsteps and the voice were separate things when she felt a sharp jab in her neck and felt herself pulled backwards again, back into unconsciousness. The voice was saying, "No, no, no, Clarke, please."

-::-::-::-::-::-

The second time coming back was even murkier, but she was able to come all the way out of it this time. Her head hurt like a bitch, and she could only vaguely remember that she was in danger. She remembered her fist firmly hitting a man's jaw, a sharp pain in her neck, a phone call, a bus ride - she was piecing things together backwards.

When she saw Jasper's face, though, things became startlingly clear. His eyes were round and wet as he looked at her, inching towards her, nervously. "Clarke, are you -"

"Jasper!" She tried getting to her feet, only to be jerked back by the chain wrapped around her waist. He seemed frozen, terrified. Despite her relief at seeing him alive, she had to assess the situation. Figure out as much as she could. The room was small, with white bricks, but large enough for two more chains hooked up to the wall, tied to nothing. There was one door, but it was heavily padlocked. She turned to Jasper. "How long was I out?"

He scooted closer to her. The chains kept them about a foot apart. "All day. I woke up and there you were, I was so -"

"I was taken last night. Do you - do you know where we are?"

"No. I was knocked out, too." Jasper started to cry, rubbing at his eyes furiously as if he could blink and be somewhere else. "I haven't seen Maya at all. Clarke," he whispered, "I'm so scared. You're the only one who knows about this, I -"

"Not the only one," she said, as quietly as she could. She didn't know if anyone was listening. She wouldn't say Bellamy's name, wouldn't risk him ending up chained to the wall next to her. But Jasper had already been in here a week by now. Clarke figured he could use a little hope. And after he heard those words, she could see a glimmer of it return.

But then his face sobered again. "Cage is sick. That's why we're here. That's the experiment. He's testing out a cure."

-::-::-::-::-::-

There's something helplessness does to a person. It makes them feel small. It makes them desperate. And it made Bellamy feel like he'd failed at the one thing he was supposed to always do - keep the people he loved safe. But Clarke - so fucking _smart_ \- had already given him his first clue. He wanted to let Octavia rest, but at least he had eyes on her. Clarke could be anywhere. She could be - oh god, she could be dead by now.

He was back in his apartment in five minutes, gently shaking his little sister awake. He tried to hide how afraid he was. Blearily, his sister rubbed her eyes, looking at him first confused, then alarmed. She sat up. "Bell? What's wrong?"

When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. "It's Clarke."

"What do you mean?"

"Someone took her. She's gone."

Octavia breathed out, eyebrows furrowed. "Cage," she whispered.

"The same guy who broke your arm?" She nodded. "Fuck," Bellamy said. He looked at his little sister, her left eye still swollen and purple, her right arm in a sling, and wondered how you can be so angry with someone and still care about them so much. If maybe you can only be this angry with someone you love. But those weren't things to think about now. "Octavia," he said, "Clarke told me, just before she -" He couldn't say it, so he grimaced and moved on. "She said you had something, notes, that I should talk to you about."

Wordlessly, Octavia stood up and went into her duffel bag, pulling out a folded piece of paper. "This is everything I know."

And, as if his life depended on it - and a life _did_ depend on it - Bellamy started to read.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Day two. Or three. Clarke was still fuzzy on the time frame. But she was pretty sure it was day three, and she was starting to feel like waiting for Bellamy was more of a prayer than a plan. She had nothing but time on her hands, so she tried to pick up on as many details about the room as she could. There wasn't too much to notice, but Clarke did clock the camera in the corner. It was pretty discreet, but she'd had a lot of time to observe.

They were brought a bowl of soup and a piece of bread twice a day, no utensils. Every night, they got a new change of clothes - something resembling a hospital gown, but it wasn't anything you couldn't leave the house in. For Clarke, it was a thin, white dress that sat on her like a paper bag. Jasper got pants. Clarke couldn't find the energy to be angry about that.

Jasper seemed pretty lethargic, whistling and flicking a rubber band at the wall. Clarke didn't ask him where he got the rubber band. Maybe it was a perk of staying for a whole week. Like a mint on your pillow.

He gave her the low down of why they were there - Cage was sick with a fatal disease, and he needed people to run trial experiments on. After all her digging, it turned out to be that simple. That fucking simple. Clarke didn't vocalize any suspicions about Maya getting a lethal dose of the latest vaccine. She was pretty sure it wasn't anything Jasper didn't already suspect.

Jasper didn't know why she'd been knocked out twice. He was only put to sleep once, when he first got taken, and he grimaced at the memory of the needle going into his neck. It was twisted, and awful, but Clarke wished someone would come and take her for the next experiment so she could gather more information, get something to work with. She had faith that Bellamy would pull through, but she didn't want to wait that long. She wondered where he was right now.

She wondered if he was thinking about her.

-::-::-::-::-::-

All Bellamy could think about all day was Clarke and whether or not she was still breathing. It killed him that he hadn't found her yet. He was running into the same brick wall she must have been - knowing who was behind it all, knowing where he worked, and not knowing where to find what he stole. That was the worst part.

The only thing he wanted right now was the assurance that Clarke was safe, but he'd settle for second best, and that was going after Cage. He said as much to Octavia. "Look, I'm just going to go in and tell him that I know what he did, and if he doesn't take me to Clarke, I'll make him."

"That's what Jasper tried, remember? Clarke tried the same thing too. It didn't work out for either of them," Octavia pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm not - I can fight Cage off."

"Shut up, Bellamy," she said, unfolding the paper for the tenth time. "That's a stupid plan. If you want to help them, you have to think it through."

He rubbed his hands over his eyes. This would be so much easier if Clarke were here. They worked well together. And she was good at figuring this stuff out - look at how much she'd accomplished already. Two days in, and he'd gotten nowhere. Now, he was desperate.

"Bell, just sit down for a second, okay?" Octavia slid over on the couch, motioning for him to sit down. He knew better than to argue. "Think about what we know now. Jasper confronted Cage and so did Clarke, and now they've been taken. So, once he knows you're onto him, he takes you."

Bellamy was starting to see where she was going with this. "Then he can't know anyone sees him," he said. Octavia just nodded, smirking a little bit. He wrapped his hand around her wrist. "O, I need you to promise me something." She looked at him. "Cage might not know your name, but he knows your face, and he knows you were with Clarke. Promise me you won't get involved."

"Bullshit," she said. "They're my friends too."

"Octavia, if anything happened to you - if he got you too…" Bellamy's voice broke, trying not to think of what they'd do to his sister, what they might be doing to Clarke right now. He looked at Octavia, so grown up now, but still just his little sister, the little girl who once had had no one else in the world but him. "My sister, my responsibility," he said, simply.

Octavia shook her head, but her expression softened. "You can't hold yourself to that. That was true once, and you couldn't have done a better job at keeping me safe. But I'm not that little girl anymore. I'm all grown up now, big brother. And I know you don't want to believe it, I know you want to be angry at Clarke, but my decisions don't have to go through you. So when she asked me if I wanted to help my friend, of course I said yes. Of course I did. And you know you would have, too."

"But she didn't ask me," he said.

"She's asking you now," Octavia said. Bellamy nodded, clenching and unclenching his jaw. He wasn't processing anything, and he fought the big yawn coming on and yawned anyway. Octavia sighed, getting to her feet. "Right now, though, you need sleep."

Bellamy was so tired, he didn't even argue. He let Octavia guide his head to the pillow. He felt her drape a blanket over him. Still, though, he didn't shut his eyes. "What if it's too late, O?"

Octavia didn't turn around on her way to his bedroom. But she did pause. She was silent for a long time, leaning against the doorframe. "I'm expecting a full report of what's happening every night, and the second I think you might need help, I'm stepping in. And let's be clear, Bellamy: if anyone can fight Cage off, it's me. I kind of already did."

-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke was starting to nod off when Jasper was taken. It was Dr. Tsing, and she didn't even look in Clarke's direction. Clarke wished she was being taken instead. She wished it more than anything right now. "Wait," she said, getting to her feet, wishing the chain wrapped around her waist wasn't there so she could put herself between him and the doctor.

He didn't look too scared. That was what made Clarke even more afraid. "Hey, don't - let him go - just take me instead. Don't - Jasper!" Her brain knew that pulling against the chain was futile, but she couldn't help it. Her friend was being taken and there was nothing she could do about it.

But Jasper just looked her in the eyes as his chain was being unlocked and Dr. Tsing grabbed him by the arm. "It's okay, Clarke. I'll be fine."

He only looked away from her as Dr. Tsing pushed him out of the door. When Clarke heard the deadbolt slide into place, she knew was truly and completely alone.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Jasper came back about two hours later. It was hard to be sure of time in this place. But he didn't walk in on his own. He was carried in. "What did you do to him?" Clarke yelled, but Tsing didn't answer her. It was like she wasn't even there at all. It was only after Dr. Tsing left that she realized Jasper was awake.

"Jasper?" she asked, inching closer to him. His back was to her and she heard little, pathetic whimpers. She felt tears spring to her own eyes. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fucking fair. He didn't deserve it - not Jasper. Clarke didn't know if she was ready to say she didn't deserve it either. "Jasper," she said again, going as far as the chain would let her. "Come here."

He looked over his shoulder. His eyes were red and his face was pale. But he crawled forward, painstakingly. "Where does it hurt?" Clarke asked. "What did they do?"

When they both made it to the end of their chains, they could almost meet in the middle. Wordlessly, Jasper turned around and lifted up the back of his shirt. There was a long purple bruise smeared over his lower back and a series of little red bumps. "He needs my bone marrow," she heard Jasper say. "He didn't say why."

-::-::-::-::-::-

Night bled into day. Bellamy sat in a parking lot, waiting for anything to bring him closer to the girl he was so angry with and cared about so much. As he watched the empty clinic, he wondered how one person could hold so much inside himself at once. He wondered how he didn't just fall apart.

Clarke slept fitfully in a dark cell, without a blanket or pillow or mattress, refusing to let herself think of Bellamy, knowing that if she let herself picture him right now, she wouldn't be able to go on. But Bellamy was nothing if not stubborn, even in her head. In the inbetween place between awake and dreaming, he was waiting for her with outstretched arms. There, and only there, she let herself fall apart.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke's back was to the wall. It was cold against her skin, but she didn't care. Anything to remind her that she was alive, and that her body still belonged to her. As the sound of the deadbolt unlocking echoed through the room, Clarke met Jasper's eyes. He'd whispered to her what had happened last night. He told her that it hurt, but it wasn't too bad. He told her she'd be okay when it was her turn.

That wasn't what Clarke was worried about. She was worried about how soon it would happen. There was only so much she could do from this windowless room. It was starting to feel like that was all the world was. A windowless room where the sun rose and sank and you weren't there to see any of it; you just had to believe it was still there.

Now that it was morning - presumably, if Clarke's circadian rhythm wasn't screwed up yet - they'd both fallen silent. Jasper was usually so talkative, too. But it really felt like there wasn't anything to say. If they ever got out of here, Clarke wondered whether they would be brought closer together or farther apart by this.

The door swung open. It wasn't Dr. Tsing. It wasn't Cage Wallace. Jasper breathed in, sharply, and when he said her name, it sounded like he was saying something sacred. "Maya."

She looked like she was trembling, even while she walked steadily into the room. She was wearing something resembling a uniform, and though she seemed terrified, she looked in good health. Much better health than Jasper. She held two plastic cups, clenched in each hand. Each had a letter initialed in black Sharpie: a C and a J.

Finally, Jasper found his voice. "What - I thought - Maya?"

She didn't meet his eyes. When she spoke, her voice was tentative. "Dr. Tsing sent me in with some… medication." On the word "medication," she shook the cups in her hand and there was a small rattle. Jasper was closest, so she went to him first.

He grabbed Maya's wrist, forcing her to look at him, but she slid her hand away and set the cups down. She grabbed the one labeled J, and shook two capsules into her hand. She approached him again, like he was an animal that might lash out if she got too close. But he didn't fight her. Only someone who knew Jasper very well would have been able to tell how happy he was. Just to see her safe. Just to see her alive.

"Please," Maya whispered. "Take these."

Jasper didn't move. "What did he do to you? Why haven't you run?"

Maya held her hand with the pills in them close to his mouth, insistently. Slowly, she raised her hand to his cheek, softly and timidly. "Because he'll kill you if I do. Now, please."

Jasper looked at her a second longer. Then, he took the pills. Maya stood and headed for Clarke. Jasper brought his hand to where Maya's was just a moment earlier. As Maya approached, Clarke backed away a little bit. It wasn't that she didn't trust Maya. She just didn't trust whatever Maya had in her hands.

"Your turn, Clarke."

"I haven't gotten any treatment yet. I don't need any medication."

Maya pressed her lips together. "These aren't the same pills I gave Jasper." Jasper, whose eyes still hadn't left Maya since she entered the room. "Clarke, trust me when I say the alternative to taking them voluntarily is much worse."

Clarke knew she couldn't figure anything out if her brain was altered. And she didn't know what these pills would do to her. But this was the closest thing to variation she'd gotten in the past few days. Maya held the pills in her hand, stretched down towards where Clarke was sitting. But Clarke got to her feet, looking Maya in the eye as she snatched them out of her hands and swallowed them.  
Maya looked sorry for Clarke. Maybe just sorry in general. "I would sit down now if I were you," she said. And then she turned around, not even sparing a last look towards Jasper. Reluctantly, Clarke took Maya's advice, and it was a good thing she did, because she only had time to hear the deadbolt slide back into place before she was pulled backwards into the world of unconsciousness again.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy's coffee had turned cold long ago, but he still took the occasional sip, just to have something to do. A woman left the building halfway through the day, a woman who fit Clarke's description of Dr. Tsing to a T. Bellamy followed the doctor halfway through town only to find that she was just taking a lunch break. He got to watch the woman eat gnocchi marinara at an Italian deli and follow her back to the same fucking place that she'd left from.

Clarke's notes said that their real base was somewhere else. The logical step would be to find that place, and therefore find the place that Clarke was being kept. But according to Octavia, that was where Clarke had hit a wall. If she couldn't do it, what made him think he had a chance at figuring it out? The place was being locked up for the night now. Bellamy couldn't help but feel as if he'd just wasted a day.

Octavia would kill him, but he decided to sleep in his car so he'd be ready for tomorrow. And besides, Dr. Tsing wasn't the only person to work the front desk. Bellamy knew that for a fact. Tomorrow, he might see someone Cage. Or he might not. What else could he do? But first, he'd need dinner. The Italian deli actually didn't look so bad.

If Clarke were here, she'd have a plan. Hell, wherever she was now, she probably had an escape plan set in the works. Strangely, that thought was comforting to him - Wherever Clarke was, she'd have her mind. And if she had that, then there was no holding her for long.

-::-::-::-::-::-

By this point, the feeling of waking up from a drug-induced sleep was familiar to Clarke. Everything was still a little hazy, but it didn't take her long to realize she was in a new room. She tried to sit up, but her arms were tied to the doctor's chair she was sitting in and she was jerked back down. Clarke wanted her mind to snap back already so she could grab as much information as possible, but everything felt distant still, like she was underwater.

Dr. Tsing was standing next to her, a pen and clipboard in her hand. "Can you tell me your name?"

Clarke was foggy enough to comply without resistance. "Clarke Griffin."

"Can you tell me my name?"

"Tsing."

Dr. Tsing wrote down a few notes, and then nodded. "Good."

"What's going on?" Clarke asked, feeling things get a little more clear. "Why do you keep knocking me out?"

"I don't think I have to answer your questions, Clarke," Dr. Tsing said, and Clarke never wanted to punch anyone in the face more than she did right now - and that was saying something.

"Who the fuck am I gonna tell? Jasper?"

Dr. Tsing pressed her lips together, impatiently. "We need to test anesthetics, and frankly, Cage had a feeling you wouldn't be as compliant as Jasper with the other tests."

"So, what? He's trying to keep me incapacitated?"

Dr. Tsing raised an eyebrow, as if she was amused. "Something like that." Clarke had to take a moment, realizing that either they'd knock her out again or just shove her back into the same room she'd been in for the past three days, and it was going to happen soon. There were two doors, firmly shut, both looking as if they were made of steel, or something equally as impossible to break down. But the one behind her didn't have an actual lock, just some sort of scanner. Otherwise, the room was nearly empty except for a cabinet and counter with needles and pills.

Dr. Tsing went to untie Clarke's wrists, but as soon as the rope was slipped, Dr. Tsing's hands were tight around Clarke's arms. Once both hands were free, she tied Clarke's hands behind her back. She didn't want Clarke bound to the chair, but she still wanted her bound.

Clarke didn't argue as she was led to the door - not the one with the scanner, the other one. At least she wasn't being carried in like Jasper was. When Dr. Tsing opened the door, he was sitting there, same room, same everything. When he saw her, he clambered to his feet, and the moment Dr. Tsing left, after chaining Clarke back up and taking away the rope around her wrists, he went towards the middle of the room. Clarke did the same. They were almost an arm's length away from each other.

"What happened?" Jasper asked, looking a little frightened. Clarke just shook her head. "I don't know what Maya gave you, but you were out for a really long time." He looked worried.

"How long?" Clarke asked.

"I don't. Day and a half, I think. They took you into the other room only a few hours ago, but you hadn't woken up at all."

Clarke took a deep breath. She felt like she was losing it. Maybe it was that she was scared, or exhausted, or still so foggy, but she finally let herself break down. She fell to her knees, burying her face in her arm, taking big gasping breaths. Tears slid down her face and off the bridge of her nose.

Jasper stood over her, arms outstretched. She could hear him yanking on his chain, but there was nothing he could do, and there was nothing Clarke could do either. She couldn't save Jasper, she couldn't save herself. Not if she didn't have her brain. She still remembered her last conversation, her last moment breathing outside air, the last shaky moment of freedom.

She remembered the sound of Bellamy's voice, telling her he'd come through. She still believed that he would, but she almost felt sorry for burdening this on him. He was so angry with her, he probably wouldn't have noticed if she'd gone missing. Maybe, though, Clarke needed something to believe in right now. And she definitely believed in Bellamy.

-::-::-::-::-::-

It was day three of watching the clinic, and Dr. Tsing left again for her lunch break. The past few days, Bellamy had been following her to see if she was headed somewhere new, but it was the same stupid Italian deli. So, today, he was going to wait and see if anyone else went in to cover her shift.

After about seven minutes, Bellamy saw the face of Cage Wallace himself walking in. He wasn't prepared for the feeling that overtook him, of hatred and anger, a solid stone sinking in the pit of his stomach. This was the man who was responsible for whatever was happening to Clarke - and Bellamy still wasn't any closer to helping her.

His fists were clenching and unclenching, and so was his jaw. He remembered what Octavia told him about confrontation, but that seemed really far away just now. His hands were shaking when he grabbed his phone. He didn't even think about the contact he was selecting. He only knew that he wanted to hear Clarke's voice. He knew where her phone was, in his apartment, after he'd found it - where she had dropped it, just before she'd been taken.

The phone rang a lot of times before finally going to voicemail. "Hey, it's Clarke. Clearly I'm busy, so leave a voicemail and I'll try to call you back." The tone sounded. He almost wished her voicemail was a little more intimate, had some sort of joke, something to remind Bellamy of her in a way that felt real. He'd meant to hang up before the message finished, but he wanted to tell her something. He couldn't stop what came out of his mouth - "I'm sorry," he said.

And then, he hung up. And then, because he couldn't look at the clinic anymore, he pulled away and started driving.

When he reached the spot, he pulled over and got out. There was no one there but him. The stain of blood had dried to a rusty color. That was the only sign she'd been there. Bellamy looked across the street to the cafe where they first met. He just wanted to see her, he just wanted to know that she was safe, that she was at least still alive.

He felt tears coming to his eyes and he angrily wiped them away. "I'm sorry, Clarke," he found himself saying. "You were counting on me, and I let you down." She needed him, and anything could be happening to her and he told her he never wanted to hear from her again. She followed his instructions in the worst way possible. "I'm sorry," he said again. A useless word.

Nothing answered him but the wind.

-::-::-::-::-::-

When he came back, he brought a gun with him. He didn't know who he was dealing with, but he knew he wouldn't let them get away with taking his friends.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Whatever they gave her this time wasn't as hard to wake up from. She was groggy for a moment, and then relatively clear-headed the next. Jasper was sitting there when she woke. "How long this time?"

"Not too long. Maybe six hours."  
"Mm." She pushed herself into a sitting position. Her heart was still heavy, but it wasn't as unbearable as before. Maybe she just needed to cry. "I'm sorry, Jasper," she said, softly.

"What are you sorry about?"

Clarke looked at him. "I wanted to help you. I don't think I did a very good job."

"Don't worry about that," he said, and he smiled a little bit. Clarke found that strange.

"How can you smile at all in here?"

Jasper shrugged. "It's easier now that I'm not alone." He paused for a moment. "What do you think our friends are doing right now?"

That brought a smile to Clarke's face. She was pretty sure she knew what Bellamy was doing, and maybe Octavia, too. "God, I don't know. Is it nighttime? Miller's probably out at a bar. He's probably drunk."

"Monty are Harper are having date night."

"Emori's trying to get Murphy to go out. Murphy is refusing to go out."

Jasper laughed. "Raven's probably working on some new project or something. It's been forever since I've talked to her. Where is she now, Boston?"

"Yep," Clarke said. "Grad school at MIT." And then, just like that, a memory cropped up in Clarke's mind. Already, the wheels were turning. Jasper was laid out on his back now, looking up at the ceiling and smiling. She hated to interrupt this trip down memory lane, which actually, was making her feel a lot better. And she was all too aware of the camera in the corner, listening to everything they were saying. But Clarke was pretty sure she could phrase this in a way Jasper would understand and Cage wouldn't. "Hey, remember when we were all in high school together?"

"Of course."

"And Raven got us out of gym class?"

Jasper looked at her now, placing the memory. "I think so." Clarke could picture Raven now. Looking at both of them and winking, then loudly proclaiming, "I'm feeling faint!" It was almost impossible not to laugh as Raven dramatically fell to the floor. Luckily, their gym teacher was extremely gullible. Jasper and Clarke slung her arm around their shoulders to take her to the nurse's office. Of course, once they got into the hallway, Raven started laughing and they all went out for sushi instead of dodgeball.

"That was really clever, wasn't it?" Clarke said. Jasper seemed to understand that she was trying to tell him something, but he wasn't quite getting it. "I'm just saying, if I still had gym class, I'd totally use that method to get out of it."

The wording was clunky, and borderline suspicious, and she hoped Cage didn't pick up on anything, but she saw the light bulb flash in Jasper's eyes and she knew he understood.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Maya came in an hour later with medicine. None for Clarke this time, luckily. Jasper seemed happy just to see her, but Maya still seemed scared. When she knelt in front of Jasper, he grabbed her arm again.

"If anything happens to us, either of us, just go. Okay? Just leave."

"I already told you the promise I made, Jasper." She still couldn't meet his eye.

"Just - try to understand, Maya. Please. I need you to go if we get hurt."

She said nothing, pursing her lips. Clarke understood what he was doing. When she enacted her plan - a plan Jasper only really knew a bit of, there would be time for distractions. He wanted her to get to safety. Clarke couldn't blame him.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Jasper was taken in the middle of the night for testing. He was only gone for three hours but when he came back he looked shaky and pale, much worse than the last time. Worry festered silently inside Clarke. He really didn't look good. After growing up with a doctor mom, you learn some things about medicine.

Clarke was just glad she had a plan, because it seemed suddenly very time sensitive to get him out. Once he got some color back into his cheeks, it was go time. She met his eyes, just once, and he gave a nod, barely perceptible.

Clarke was standing against the wall. She started rubbing her head, taking deep breaths. If there was a camera on her, then she might as well give them a show. She steeled herself, and then mumbled - but not inaudibly - "Jasper, I don't - I don't feel so good," and then let her body fall to the floor. In order to sell it, she had to be completely limp, but it still hurt way more than she thought it would. She clenched her teeth so she wouldn't wince or groan. A+ for authenticity, right?

"Clarke?" Jasper said. She heard him yanking on his chains. "Hey, someone help her! Clarke, wake up!" She heard him banging on the wall. Clarke wanted him to take it a little easier than that, considering his state this morning, but at least he was selling it. At the sound of the deadbolt unlocking, Clarke felt more triumphant than ever. After her time in here, it was nice to win. But it wasn't over yet. She remained unmoving. Her ankle hurt like hell and she definitely had a bruise along her side, but she played her part well.

"Cage?" She heard Dr. Tsing's voice. "Yeah, it's Lorelei. Your patient seems to have had a bad reaction to the anesthetic… Delayed… Yes, I think you should… Understood." Clarke was surprised Tsing was doing this openly, but maybe she really didn't care if Jasper heard. They were nothing more than lab rats to her. With minimal grunting, Clarke felt herself being placed on a stretcher.

"Maya?" Dr. Tsing's voice sounded again. "I need you to cover the front desk."

"Are you sure? I didn't know I was allowed -"

"Just do it. Don't forget what we'll do if you don't comply."

Clarke clenched her teeth tightly at the sound of that. If Clarke made it and Jasper didn't, she'd never forgive herself. After what felt like forever, she was wheeled into a room, lifted into a familiar doctor's chair, and the door was shut. There was silence for a moment. As soon as she felt Dr. Tsing looming over her, Clarke reared back and kicked at her with all the power she had in her body.

There was the sound of glass shattering. God, it was nice not to be tied up. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light, but Dr. Tsing was hunched over and groaning, clutching at her stomach. A needle lay broken on the ground, liquid spilling all over the floor. Clarke couldn't risk losing now, not when she was close. Dr. Tsing looked up again, and Clarke kicked out at her. There was a loud thwack. The doctor had hit her head on the corner of the medicine cabinet.

Like a puppet with its strings cut, she fell to the ground. Clarke stood over her, careful not to cut her feet on the glass below. There was a scary-looking pool of blood forming under Dr. Tsing, and Clarke felt a little nauseous. And as the light started fading from the doctor's eyes, Clarke felt downright scared. But she didn't feel sorry. It's funny. She really thought it would be harder to kill someone - even someone you hadn't meant to kill. But after seeing Jasper, her friend, pale and sick and drained of bone marrow, after having days taken from her from someone who seemed almost amused by these experiments, she couldn't muster up any sympathy.

As soon as it seemed clear that she wasn't going to get a fight from Dr. Tsing, Clarke knelt over her body, searching all the pockets of the white-stained-red lab coat. She found one thing she was looking for and one thing she wasn't: the key to Jasper's chains, and an ID with a barcode under it. Clarke had a feeling that might be able to help unlock the door behind her, but first she had to make sure Jasper was with her.

She was only vaguely aware of the blood all over her stupid white dress as she ran back towards Jasper, towards the room she'd hopefully never have to see again. The hallway was empty. Clarke knew Dr. Tsing had called Cage, but she didn't know how long it would take for him to get here. Time was of the essence.

"Jasper!" she said, breaking into the room. He looked worse than before, clammy, covered in sweat. "Jasper, are you okay?"

"Clarke?" he said groggily. "Why are you covered in blood?"

"We'll talk later," she said, unlocking his chain. "Right now, I'm getting you out of here."

When he spoke, his voice was thick with tears. It made Clarke's heart ache. "I can't walk - I can't - I'm sorry," he cried.

She started to tell him she'd carry him out of there if she had to when the door opened again. Fuck. Cage. The look in his eyes was murderous. Clarke could tell he'd found Dr. Tsing. There was a tray of needles in the room - must have been wheeled in while she was pretending to be unconscious, because she didn't notice them before, but she definitely noticed it now. Shit.

Cage grabbed one of them and moved toward Jasper, sticking the needle in Jasper's neck and Clarke's heart sank to her feet.

She summoned all the anger she had in her, everything that he'd taken from her, everything that was pent up inside of her, and barrelled toward Cage. She wouldn't let him hurt her friends. And she wouldn't let him hurt her anymore either. Maybe if she was better fed and hadn't been drugged to high heaven half the week she would have stood a chance, but he quickly had her pinned. Just as long as Jasper was free. Just as long as they didn't both lose, as long as one of them could make it out. Clarke closed her eyes. She pictured Bellamy's face. She heard him saying he'd come through again.

She wanted to come through for him, too. Maybe surviving was what that meant. Cage's hand slapped the tray for a needle and she felt the familiar sting as he injected her. No, not again. Not again. She couldn't let that happen again. She kneed him in the crotch, and then flipped over, getting on top of him. She wasn't feeling the familiar hazy feeling that she usually did. She almost started laughing. This was something else entirely.

Clarke kneed him again and then stood up. "Wrong needle, asshole." And then she gave him a sharp kick to the head. She knew something was really wrong, that this wasn't an anesthetic, but maybe something just as harmful. Maybe something worse. Her heart was racing. But she ran over to Jasper who could barely keep his eyes open.

"Come on," she said, slinging his arm around her shoulders.

"Stop, Clarke," he said, but he didn't fight her. "Stop."

"No, I'm not leaving you here!"

"No, you're not, but you are coming back for me. You have to go. Cage won't be out for long and I can't walk."

"Jasper -"

"Run, Clarke!" he said, pushing her away. "Run!"

And so, Clarke ran. Through the hall, past Tsing's body, and out the back door. Sun. Light. Trees. The wind on her face. She didn't even think about how inconvenient it was that she was in a fucking forest. She just kept running.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy had a weird feeling about today. He knew something would change - since he was a child, his intuition was always uncannily on point. Today was no different. When he saw a bushy-haired girl entering the clinic, he checked Clarke's notes. No description of her anywhere. This wasn't someone she'd ever seen. Maybe confrontation hadn't worked for Clarke. But she hadn't seen this girl, and she hadn't had a gun. Bellamy grabbed his gun and ran towards the clinic. One way or another, he was gonna get answers.

"How may I help you?" the girl said, but that was all she had time to get out before Bellamy jumped the counter and held the gun to her head. Instantly, tears ran down her face, but he was unmoved.

"Take me to Clarke."

The girl was crying too hard to answer him.

"Now! I don't know what you people did to her, but if I don't see her in the next five minutes I swear to god, I'll kill all of you."

"Please," she cried, "please, they'll kill Jasper! I can't - don't kill me, please!"

"What do you mean, they'll kill Jasper?"

"If I don't follow their orders, they'll kill him," she said, falling to her knees and sobbing. Bellamy was suddenly struck with a horrible thought. He lowered the gun, kneeling down beside her.

"Maya? Is your name Maya?"

"I'm so sorry about your friend - I can't - I want to help her, I do," she cried.

"What did they do to you?" Bellamy lay his hand on her back, and she threw her arms around him, crying.

"They - they forced me to - to hurt them."

"It's okay. It's going to be okay. I'm going to help you," Bellamy said. That seemed to calm her enough to reduce her sobs to shuddering breaths. "But you have to take me to them."

"I don't know where they are," she whispered. "But I can show you anyway." He didn't ask what she meant by this. He just followed her to the back room, gun still at his side. There was a large TV. It was just an empty room.

"What am I supposed to be seeing here?"

Maya sniffled. "This isn't live. Let me get to today." She went to the monitor, grabbing a remote and hitting forward. Jasper came onto the screen soon enough, crying and hugging himself, but in fast motion. He kept getting taken in and out of the room. After about two minutes of watching that, he saw Clarke. He couldn't help the sharp intake of breath. He wanted to reach out and touch the screen. She wasn't moving, not at first. Someone came in and stabbed her with a needle before she even woke up. Then he saw her talking to Jasper, yelling, crying - getting knocked out again. And again. Taken out of the room.

"What are they doing to her?" he said, feeling nauseous.

"Testing anesthetics. Cage is sick," Maya said, simply. Bellamy shook his head, wishing he could find the words to express his anger. The video suddenly slowed to regular speed. "This is this morning," Maya said quietly.

Jasper looked sick. Bellamy couldn't see everything clearly, but now he could hear what they were saying. He heard Clarke groan. He saw her rubbing her head. Then he watched as she hit the ground. Hard. Jasper was yelling for someone to help her, begging her to wake up - oh god. She just lay there. She didn't move.

"Turn it off," he said, his voice shaking. The screen turned black. He could see his reflection in it. "What happened to her?"

"I don't know. Bad reaction to the medicine."

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know," Maya said again. She seemed a little scared of him.

"Take me to them," he said to her. She wouldn't quite meet his eye so he put his hands on her shoulders. "I won't let anything happen to you. Jasper's my friend, too. I promise I won't let them kill him, but I need you to help me first."

Finally, she nodded. She turned to another door that led to stairs leading down. "Cage is rich. Really rich. Did you know there's a hill behind this clinic?" she said.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because we're going underground. I wanted you to understand why. I don't know where anything is around here, they've only let me out once. Ten minutes ago, actually"

They finished descending the stairs in silence. Bellamy's heart was in his throat. He kept his gun at the ready. The hallway was long and bright. The lights were harsh. It was like a maze. Somewhere in the distance, they heard a crash. Bellamy figured that was the direction they should head in.

Then, they heard a scream. Maya gasped. "That's Jasper!" Then, they ran. It took maybe a minute to find the room. Cage was standing over Jasper with a needle in his hand and blood running down the side of his face. There was shattered glass everywhere and four chains hanging from the wall, tied to nothing.

Bellamy didn't even think about it. He raised his gun and fired. Cage fell to the ground and Maya ran to Jasper, both hands clutching the sides of his face. He was almost white, and breathing shallowly and quickly.

But where was Clarke?

"Hey," Maya said, looking up at Bellamy. "Something's wrong with him!"

"Jasper?" Bellamy said, kneeling down next to his friend. Jasper's eyes slid sideways in Bellamy's direction.

"Bell-my?" he slurred.

"Jasper, where is Clarke?"

Jasper had tears running down his face as he answered. "She's gone." Then his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Whatever Cage had given Clarke, it was bad. It was really bad. Her heart was racing way too quickly and colors were becoming warped. She kept running into trees. Branches were hitting her in the face, lashing across her skin, but she could barely feel the pain. Her lungs felt like they were constricting. When she finally collapsed, it was sudden and painful.

If Cage's drugs pulled her into darkness, then this was what smashing into it felt like.

-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy wasn't leaving until he found Clarke. Dead or alive. The thought of finding her lifeless and pale made him feel like crumbling, but he had to find her anyway. He told her he'd do that. He couldn't let her down. Maya took Jasper, she was going to get him help, leaving Bellamy to find Clarke. When he saw a body laying in a room, he was so, so scared. But it turned out to be the doctor. And the door behind her was left wide open to the outside. So Bellamy ran.

He didn't know how he ended up finding her. The woods were thick and deep, but somehow he ran until he saw her. His breath constricted. She was laying at the base of a tree, unmoving. She was half covered in blood. Bellamy ran to her side. He'd never been so happy and so scared to hold someone in his arms. Very shallowly, her chest rose up and down. But she was breathing. She was alive. Bellamy cradled her, calling 911. As the phone rang, he whispered. "You're going to be okay now, Clarke. I promise you'll be okay."

-::-::-::-::-::-

The first thing Clarke registered was that her head hurt. Like all the hangovers she'd ever had in her life times a million. The second was that she was in a soft, warm bed. The memories played back against her closed eyelids. They were horrible. But when she opened her eyes, she somehow knew she'd be safe.

The lights did little to help her headache. She felt a hand against hers, warm and rough. She didn't have to look up to know whose it was. "Bellamy?"  
His eyes were glassy, but he was smiling. "Good morning."

"Jasper? Is he -"

"In better shape than you, actually." He was sitting in the chair next to her hospital bed. There was stubble on his face. "You scared the hell out of me."  
"He's going to be okay, though?"  
"Yeah." Bellamy wiped at his eyes. "You're both going to be okay." He squeezed her hand. It felt good to touch someone again. It felt even better knowing that the someone was Bellamy. She felt herself start to well up too.

"I was so scared, Bellamy."  
"Well, you did a damn good job at hiding it. When I carried you out of the woods, you were so pale, you - I'm just glad you're okay. The past few days have been hell. The past week and a half actually."

"You were there?"

"I'd just missed you. I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner, I - I should've been there."

Clarke shook her head. "You came through. I knew you would."

-::-::-::-::-::-

Apparently, she was out for two days. Bellamy was there the whole time. But as soon as she was conscious, he disappeared. She tried not to let it bother her too much. Frankly, she was just grateful that both she and Jasper had made it out okay. They had to give statements to the police, but once the cops went down to the scene of the crime, it was relatively self evident that whatever they did was in self defence. So, now it was just time to get back to normal life. Clarke didn't really know how to do that. She'd been spending a lot of time with Jasper still, who'd been spending a lot of time with Maya. She guessed it was just good to be with someone who understood.

She hated quiet now too. Her apartment was too small all of a sudden. But that was still where she found herself a week after she was discharged. She was glad to have windows again. Looking at the night sky, she so badly wanted to be at peace with the world now that she was back in it.

But she couldn't stop thinking of Bellamy. In the hospital, he'd been so tender towards her, so reassuring. She'd hoped they'd continue like that, but now he'd gone silent and all Clarke could hear was his voice saying he never wanted to hear from her again. Of course he came through. Of course he did. He's Bellamy. But that didn't change anything.

There was a knock on her door. Probably Jasper. Monty had stopped by a few times, though, to see if she needed anything. Instead, as if her thoughts of him had called him to her, Bellamy was standing in the doorway. He didn't ask to come in. She didn't ask if he would. She just stepped aside and went back to her seat by the window, knowing that he'd follow her.

He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room until Clarke looked at him and then he cleared his throat. "I'm still so mad at you," he said. He sounded unsure of himself. If Clarke was surprised, she didn't let it show.

"About Octavia?"

Bellamy shook his head. "Not really. Not anymore, anyway."

He lost her. "Then why?"

Bellamy took a few steps closer towards her and Clarke stood up, steeling herself. For what, she didn't know. "Because you didn't tell me about Cage in the first place."

"I knew you wouldn't want me to get involved."

"Or maybe I would've helped you. Do you really think I would have let Jasper die?" he said. Clarke shrugged and looked away. But there was fondness in Bellamy's voice when he spoke again. "But maybe you're right. Maybe I would have tried to keep you away just like I tried to keep Octavia away."

There was a silence heavy with meaning that Clarke couldn't decipher. Finally, she broke it. "Is that all you came here to say?"

"No." He stepped closer to her. "I think… I think I'm always going to be a little angry with you, Clarke."

She shook her head. She was so confused, and so tired, and she hated this. She hated being on opposite sides with Bellamy. But then he took her hand in his. "Why? Why are you angry with me?" she whispered.

"Because you made me care about you."

Okay. That did surprise her. "I don't understand."  
"I know what it's like to have your happiness be dependent on the safety of someone else - I just didn't know I felt like that for two people. Clarke, if anything had happened to you, I don't know - I don't know what I would have done."

"Bellamy," she whispered again, but she didn't know what else to say. It was okay, though. He pressed his lips against hers and Clarke realized sometimes you didn't need words to show people how you felt.

She'd thought she'd never get out of that room with no windows and a chain around her waist. She didn't know if she would ever see the world again. But here she was in her apartment, next to a window and a sky full of city lights, kissing the boy she loved. He had warm lips and gentle hands. He had the most beautiful heart. She wished that the Clarke from a week ago, scared and alone, could see this now - bodies pressed together, breathing with the same pair of lungs, and the promise that life could be good again.


End file.
